Mom to all boys

I've refrained from writing a postal service most what it is similar beingness a mom to boys, but I suppose amongst our 4th man child on the way, it is long overdue. I honey beingness the woman parent to my children together with I honey my children amongst all my heart. Right now, I persuasion them every bit my children. Yes, I telephone proper name upwards them "boys" when I am addressing them or talking most them, "Boys, nosotros demand to guide turns," "Boys, you lot did a dandy chore next instructions at the doctor's office," "Boys, it is fourth dimension to go!" "I was out today amongst our boys..." But I practise not-- ever-- job it to corner them into a sex role. "Son, you lot demand to toughen up," "Son, you lot demand to halt crying similar a girl," or, my absolute to the lowest degree favorite human face ever, "Boys volition hold upwards boys."

Why does it bother me thus much hearing "boys volition hold upwards boys?" Because, inwards my experience, people practise non job that human face inwards regards to positive conduct demonstrated past times my children. When 1 of our toddlers steals a toy from the other toddler together with he lashes out inwards anger, ending upwards amongst both toddlers hanging on to either goal of a toy together with screaming, I hear, "Oh, boys volition hold upwards boys!"

When I am out shopping at Target together with our children throw a jibe wanting to drib dead downwardly the Matchbox machine aisle, screaming over some toy they of late saw advertised on television, I hear, "Boys volition hold upwards boys!" chuckled past times some stranger walking by.

When 1 of our children dressed caput to toe inwards a pirate outfit picks upwards a stick that he thus labels a sword together with begins hitting his blood brother amongst it, I hear, "Boys volition hold upwards boys!"

It makes me mad. We guide hold had many playdates where picayune girls wrestled for a toy amongst 1 of our boys. I've seen many picayune girls throwing fits inwards the toy subdivision at Target. Our boys guide hold been hit, kicked, together with bitten on many playdates amongst picayune girls (and earlier whatever 1 says biting is only done past times girls, our oldest was attacked past times a manly individual preschooler dubbed a "biter" at our drop-in childcare together with we've had many biting incidents betwixt all of our boys).

I'm non inwards denial that picayune boys together with picayune girls develop differently-- mentally or physically. I'm non proverb they don't guide hold unlike interests. Our picayune boys all guide hold babe dolls together with babies that they guide assist of but these babe dolls ofttimes drib dead equipped amongst super powers or drib dead weapons to hitting each  other with. One of our toddlers has a babe dinosaur that has ever remained a baby-- he gets real upset if you lot are stone oil amongst his babe dinosaur-- but if you lot pet it, he volition arrive seize amongst teeth you lot together with roar a trigger-happy roar. Even that babe has a wild streak. Maybe picayune girls play this way. I don't know, having never raised picayune girls, but I recall beingness a picayune missy together with recall all the games nosotros used to play amongst our babe dolls. Some games were wild together with crazy, some were sweetness together with maternal. I experience our boys play similarly. I hear them inwards at that topographic point feeding together with napping babe dolls. I hear their babe dolls fighting super villains. It all depends on the game they are playing.

There are things that frustrate me when shopping at large box stores beingness a mom of boys. It is actually hard to uncovering a sex neutral doll stroller or babe doll carrier. All our boys guide hold asked for 1 at 1 indicate or some other together with I can't convey myself to purchase the hot pinkish doll strollers. Why practise all the doll strollers guide hold to scream "THIS IS FOR Influenza A virus subtype H5N1 GIRL"? Our oldest is sometime plenty to know that these types of toys were marketed for girls. Play kitchens are some other thing that are hard to acquire sex neutral. There are a lot of pinkish play kitchens out at that topographic point (play kitchens at Toys'R'Us). You tin uncovering several online, but, inwards stores, the sex neutral kitchens tend to cost to a greater extent than than the pinkish ones every store carries. (We ended upwards buying the Fisher Price Servin' Surprises Kitchen together with Table together with guide hold loved it.) Funny since beingness a chef is such a manly individual dominated profession... Our boys honey Doc McStuffins. Have you lot looked at her retail products (Doc McStuffins at the Disney Store)? I acquire she's targeted towards picayune girls pursuing their dreams together with non beingness restrained inwards some other manly individual dominated field, but it is a lot easier, again, to purchase pinkish doctor's kits than sex neutral or man child doctor's kits (doctor's kits at Toys'R'Us). I wishing I could purchase these things to a greater extent than easily together with thus it would hold upwards less of a statement. No 1 questions our Fisher Price kitchen, but they experience I'm making radical parenting decisions when they meet our toddler carrying around his "Disney book," a Disney princess notepad he insists on bringing everywhere together with "reading."

Even to a greater extent than offensive to me are the "funny" t-shirts geared towards picayune boys. I saw a bluish onesie at a Party City that said, "Hide your daughters" or "Lock upwards your daughters." Really? That's appropriate for an infant? We fifty-fifty ain several well-meaning boys' shirts, "Tough similar Dad" or the Osh Kosh graphic t-shirts. Not proverb those shirts are bad, but they farther promote the sex stereotype that because you are a man child you lot are automatically this stone oil together with fall dirt magnet.

I don't believe inwards the extreme, similar keeping a child's sex hidden (read most the Canadian pair who did precisely that). I've also heard of families that believe inwards allowing their children to choose any clothes together with toys they like. For instance, taking their boy shopping together with allowing him to wander the girls' together with boys' subdivision picking out things he likes, regardless of the sex it is marketed for. Our boys threw a huge jibe when nosotros bought them blue boat shoes instead of the pink sequined boat shoes. While I am non going to purchase our two-year sometime sons pinkish sequined boat shoes based on their whim, I also don't believe sex shaming is the right agency to explicate my reasoning, such as, "You are a boy. You don't article of apparel pinkish GIRL shoes!" We merely told them nosotros had picked out which shoes nosotros were buying. And, no, nosotros haven't bought our boys Barbie dolls or anything along those lines, though nosotros have bought them man child Manhattan Toy Baby Stella Dolls.

We guide hold had many playdates amongst many boys together with girls. I guide hold heard from many mothers of girls, "Your boys are thus well-behaved! We guide hold playdates amongst other boys together with they pass the whole fourth dimension running together with hitting." I'm non proverb our boys don't run together with hitting together with the mothers of girls aren't saying their girls don't ever run together with hit, but-- I've seen it too-- many mothers of boys don't discourage this behavior. Why is it acceptable for your children to play tag or sword fight in someone else's home? Why is it acceptable for your children to wrestle inwards someone else's living room? We've had picayune girls sprint into our theatre together with start jumping on our couch for their mothers to come upwards inwards together with enjoin them they needed to acquire down. We've had picayune boys sprint into our theatre together with start jumping on our couch for their mothers to shrug together with say, "Boys volition hold upwards boys!" My couch doesn't distinguish betwixt a picayune missy or a picayune man child jumping across it wearing shoes. It bothers me, from the stand upwards indicate of a grown adult woman living inwards this manly individual dominated world, that fifty-fifty from the outset nosotros every bit women are allowing our boys a transcend on proficient conduct due to their gender. "Don't worry most beingness polite inwards someone else's home. You are a man child together with tin comport how you lot experience inwards the moment."

It makes me cringe when people enjoin me, "You are lucky you lot are only going to guide hold boys. You won't guide hold to drib dead through [x, y, together with z of woman individual behavior]." Good Lord, if my parents ever told me those words piece I was growing up, who would I hold upwards today? Would I experience that I guide hold the liberty to brand choices that accommodate our family? Would I guide hold the confidence to set my career goals on concord for the fourth dimension beingness to back upwards my married adult man at this indicate inwards his career? Would I guide hold the patience to pass these years working inwards our home, homeschooling our boys together with raising them to hold upwards immature men afterward God's heart? Would I hold upwards able to concord my ain at dinner parties when I hear educated women pursuing their careers brush me off when they uncovering out I'm a stay-at-home mother? Would I know inwards my see the importance of continuing my pedagogy every bit a I residual identify unit of measurement life together with my ain dreams? Would I proceed to write solar daytime afterward day, read every bit ofttimes every bit I do, speak over my ain hopes together with dreams amongst my children*, their daddy's hopes together with dreams, together with encourage them to speak over together with pursue their ain hopes together with dreams? Would I believe-- actually together with truly-- that 1 individual tin brand a divergence inwards this world? I don't know. Thankfully my parents never said those things to me together with my sisters. They never made us experience lesser every bit females. They never made us experience similar nosotros couldn't or shouldn't or volition never. They never made us experience at that topographic point is 1 path nosotros must walk down. They encouraged our individuality. We all rebelled inwards our ain ways together with they stuck past times us throughout together with encouraged us to acquire from our mistakes, to speak over what nosotros learned, to embrace ourselves for who nosotros are every bit individuals-- non for sex stereotypes.

(*Note: I speak over my hopes together with dreams amongst my married adult man together with he amongst me. We experience it is also of import for our children to meet their parents pursuing their goals and supporting each other inwards that.)

And, yes, I believe men grow upwards together with by together with large interact differently amongst their parents than women do, particularly inwards regards to the mother/daughter relationship. Every solar daytime every bit I parent my children I sympathise to a greater extent than together with to a greater extent than what it was similar for my woman parent raising the 4 of us. Every solar daytime I am to a greater extent than together with to a greater extent than thankful for her love, sacrifice, patience, together with the lessons together with morals she instilled inwards us. I uncovering myself ofttimes looking dorsum to my ain childhood for guidance when faced amongst a hard parenting dilemma. I'm quick to enjoin my children I'm sorry. I'm quick to hug them when they guide hold made a error together with I withdraw heed when they explicate to me what they did incorrect together with the lessons they experience they learned from that mistake. I brand the fourth dimension to withdraw heed to them. I am joyful inwards my human relationship amongst them. Some days are never ending together with emotionally/physically exhausting, but I set inwards the hard function amongst my oculus on the goal goal: the representative given to me from my ain parents. I meet the people my parents raised together with want to walk downwardly that road, sometimes taking the lessons I learned from them together with applying them inwards a agency that plant meliorate for our ain identify unit of measurement situation. And I practise mourn that I volition never guide hold the human relationship that I guide hold amongst my ain woman parent (read "Four boys"), but I know that 1 day my sons will guide hold spouses or partners that volition drib dead identify unit of measurement to us, precisely every bit my married adult man together with my brother-in-law guide hold drib dead identify unit of measurement to us. (I could guide hold that mother/daughter human relationship amongst my daughter-in-law!)

We want our boys to guide hold the confidence to drib dead the men that God desires them to be. We want our boys to guide hold the self-assurance to guide the hard road, the less traveled road, the route that is right for them. We want our boys to know that their parents back upwards them 100%, no thing what, that wherever life takes them nosotros are at domicile amongst arms broad open. We want our boys to grow upwards amongst dreams, reachable together with unreachable, together with a listing of goals they are constantly adding to. We want them to hold upwards passionate most life together with certain of what they believe in. We want them to grow upwards amongst a rigid back upwards organisation at home, from their parents together with from their siblings. We want them to experience God's presence inwards their lives. We want them to know that their parents are non perfect, but constantly humbling themselves earlier God to hold upwards the parents he wants us to hold upwards to each of our children, striving for what is best for our children-- non the easiest or the most popular, together with showing them honey every solar daytime inwards all things. Right straight off our boys are young. Our oldest is v together with a one-half years old. Our twin toddlers are going to hold upwards 3 inwards a few curt weeks. Our 4th is due early on this summer. I know our focus on parenting is much unlike than a parent of fifty-fifty middle-schoolers; I'm certain our priorities volition shift every bit they grow, becoming adolescent boys. Our focus right straight off is most our letting our children hold upwards children. We want to give them the infinite together with fourth dimension to hold upwards bored together with explore their creativity. We want to nurture creative play together with pretend play. We want them to hold upwards active. We want to cheer for them (read "Marthas together with Marys"). We want them to acquire manners together with how to purpose inwards society.

I honey Rage Against the Minivan's recent post, "I don't want to #banbossy. But I volition #affirmassertive." To her postal service I say yes, yes, yes! As a woman, I experience it is of import for our boys to grow upwards learning to abide by all people for who they are every bit individuals together with non treating someone differently based on their gender, precisely every bit nosotros don't process anyone differently based on their race. I hear a lot of words thrown around at infants, toddlers, together with preschoolers based entirely on their gender (by women, no less!), "We were belatedly because Miss Priss couldn't uncovering the perfect pair of shoes together with threw a diva fit. The woman individual hormones start early! You are lucky to guide hold all boys." "Girls together with boys are thus different; you lot don't fifty-fifty know. He was such a proficient baby. You are lucky to guide hold all boys because she's been demanding since she was a newborn." "She is such a picayune momma, ever wanting to play amongst the novel baby, but he doesn't fifty-fifty notice the baby. He's likewise busy beingness all boy." I know these mommas don't hateful anything hurtful past times these comments, but our boys guide hold ears (and their boys guide hold ears). To the moms amongst 2 children, a missy together with a boy, I would similar to say that all 3 of our boys guide hold unlike personalities together with guide hold been easier/harder than each other at diverse points (teething, nap schedule, bathtime, feeding, etc), together with all of them are the same gender. Our boys are sensitive together with assertive inwards diverse areas; they all guide hold unlike strengths together with weaknesses. One volition hollo when he feels embarrassed or shy. One volition hollo (and hollo together with hollo together with cry) if he sees a bruise or a unmarried drib of blood anywhere on his body. One throws a jibe if his hands or clothes are dirty. One tin play exterior for hours. One tin cuddle amongst you lot for hours. One wants to concord your mitt if he feels scared. One wants to concord his brother's mitt if he feels scared. One volition alter his clothes 3 or 4 times a day, putting on a novel outfit for each activity he is doing. One volition article of apparel the same outfit solar daytime afterward solar daytime unless nosotros brand him change. One loves rainboots together with wears them amongst everything. One loves all shoes together with tries raiding my closet, his dad's closet, together with both his brothers' closets for shoes. One hates bathing. One loves bathing. One only wants to guide showers. They are different. They are unlike people amongst unlike tastes. They may all similar something. They may all dislike something. But it is non precisely because they are boys. And nosotros would actually similar for our boys to guide hold interactions amongst other children who are treated every bit individuals every bit well, non hear how their picayune friend is bossy because she is a missy or that it is okay to throw sand inwards someone's human face upwards because he is a boy.

So if you lot guide hold a friend who is pregnant amongst her 2d man child or 4th boy, enjoin her, "Congratulations!" (and perhaps read this spider web log postal service past times Scary Mommy, "Things Not to Say to a Mom Expecting Another Boy"). When you lot guide hold a playdate amongst a mom of all boys, don't say "Boys volition hold upwards boys" or "He is all boy, isn't he?" Tell her, "It is fun getting our kids together!" Don't speak downwardly your picayune girls to our picayune boys or excuse our boys' conduct amongst their gender. If you lot guide hold a theatre dominion that you lot guide hold playdates follow, you lot tin gently enjoin the mom, "Would you lot withdraw heed call for them non to sword cope inwards here? They could guide that inwards the backyard or playroom though!"

Maybe I'm overzealous on this subject. I don't want our twins defined past times their birth either (read "Identical brothers") together with I honey when all moms back upwards each other, whether it is a mom of 1 or a mom of multiples (read "We are moms"). As the woman parent to these boys-- these three, almost four, people-- that God has given my married adult man together with I, I am confident nosotros are doing what is best for us, which, actually is what parenting is all about.

Share this post